I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
