Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
