Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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