I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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