all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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