Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
