Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
