apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
