Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
