At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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