there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
