I wish I could punch you in the face.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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