I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize
