Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
