At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
ttyl tear gas
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
