Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
