She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
