exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Dear god my vagina.
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