no, he came in my armpit
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
