You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
