Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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