How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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