I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
