My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
