i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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