i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Semen is not good for contacts.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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