i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
