I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
