I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
