my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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