dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
