I puked a lego.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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