I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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