i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I use my feet as sexual weapons
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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