Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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