what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
