Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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