just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
