My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
