sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
