direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
