So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
