Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
