She announced her abortion via fbk
My balls are so social today.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
