I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
