For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
