Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
