i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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