you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
