I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
