i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
