its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I need to calm my uterus...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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