**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
