eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
