Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
